Yankees Promise Mercy

Hi, I'm Joe Derive from New York City trying to cope.  I'm here eating my bagle and enjoying being away from Fenway Park.  As you know the sellout crowds continue.  I think I counted about 100 people at the last game but I was assured by Red Sox management it was sold out by the paranormal ghosts and goblins as well as alien visitors enjoying a night at the ballpark.   I am also told next home game the Sox welcome the invisible pokadot dragons which apparently sold out the entire bleachers and right field sections of the park.   They also told me that the Klingons and Romulans as well as Yoda will be attending the game.  Sadly only 10 seats will be available but Sox fans can get them for free.  You won't actually see the Klingons and Romulans as they will be invisible due to being from another dimension so don't think the ballpark is really empty -- because its not.

It's been an interesting time at the old ballpark.  Fenway has lost more games than I can count but with the Yankees coming into town they had this to say.

Joe Girardi: 'Our team is very tired after fighting to stay alive with Baltimore on our tails so I told the guys to limit their automatic wins to no more than 10 runs per game.  We're a compassionate juggernaut and its hard not to feel sorry for Bobby Valentine. '

Mark Texeria:  "I enjoy Jon Lester since he throws that pathetic cutter of his that's so easy to send over the fence.  Gonna be a good time.'

Jon Lester had this to say in response: "Mark is always looking for a fastball so I'm gonna give him my pathetic cutter.  Let him TRY to hit it out of the ballpark.  I dare him because I'm going to mow him DOWN.  Ya, that's right.  He's done for...oh ya and I love my new Chevy Truck and invite all people to head down and get one of their own -- assuming they have money to burn like I do .'

Ya, it's going to be interesting.  Naturally Bobby Valentine had to get in there.

"I'll beat the living crap out of any Yankee in that park with a lead pipe.  Ha, Ha.'

Somehow I think the media is going to cut out the 'ha, ha' and run with the rest.  I'm sure John Henry will have this to say in response.

John Henry: 'We support the great challenges that the Red Sox have faced this year and look forward to seeing them in the playoffs as they have a great record, are in first place -- they are in first place right?  -- and we love both our team and our fans. '

Ya John, just try to stay in touch all right.

Meanwhile, I asked Alfredo Acves what his thoughts were but he had nothing to say.  However, Nick Swisher had this to say.

Nick Swisher. ' I love hitting Boston pitching.  It's so easy lately.  They used to be tough but right now I could do it with earplugs and headphones and as a matter-of-fact I think half the team is gonna do that just to have fun.  Maybe we'll throw underhanded.  Hey Dice-K, we're ready for you and your famous home-run ball and your ground-rule-double ball and your base-hit ball.  Gonna be fun.

I'm Joe Derive and I need some stomach relief.