Sox pick new Manager...FINALLY

Hi, I'm Joe Derive and the Sox have fired Bobby Valentine and picked up their new manager.  I'm sitting here watching Larry Luch and Ben Cherington smile at the cameras -- actually Ben just stares.  I think its the medication.

Larry:
Thank you for coming.  John Henry couldn't be here as he was captured by the evil Lex Luthor and is fighting for his life battling the Legion of Doom on the Hanna Barbara alternate universe.  Fortunately Batman and Robin are on the trail.

Ben:
That's right.

Larry:
So let's not waste time.  We'd like to thank Manny Ramirez and Bobby Jenks for accepting the manager and pitching coach positions so without further ado....

(OH #$#$....are they serious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Manny:
Hey everyone.  WOw, what a great feeling to be back in Boston.  I am so excited.  I love it here.  I'm going to do great. Bobby and I are awesome.

Bobby:
Hey where are the girls?


(I'm going to be sick!)

Larry:
Don't worry folks...these guys have promised to keep their heads on straight and their focus on the game.  Manny is over his various drug and steroid related charges and Bobby is over his hit and run and drunk driving.  They're...fine.  Besides if their is a problem, we'll send them into the Joker's lair.

Joe:
Ah...Larry...are you mentally competent?

Manny:
Hey watch it Joe otherwise I'll punch you in the head. I have experience hitting people you know.

(My head hurts)

Larry:
Also Curt Schilling with be our bench coach.  He's calling us from his home now that he's bankrupt its hard for him to travel.

Curt:

I'm really looking forward to working for the Red Sox.  While Manny is a complete loser and Bobby Jenks has his $#$#$ up his #$#A#$ and Larry's brain is a peanut and the Red Sox organization makes me puke I need the money.







Larry:
Curt is really a team player.  He and Manny and Bobby are great.  They will get along together. 

Bobby:
Curt, where are the girls baby! 

Curt:
I'll take a bat and stick it up your #$##$ and you'll....


Manny:
I cut you up Curt.  You idiot.  I'm going to break your bones.  I HATE Boston and I hate the media and they are tired of me.  It's been 10 minutes and they all #$#$#$

Larry:
Calm down Manny. We support you and we love you and we'll pay you even more money.

Manny:
Oh, OK.

Curt:
I want more...MORE MORE MORE.

Bobby:
I want more girls!  Give me Tina Fey.  I want more girls.

Manny:
Ya I'm a family man and I won't allow this type of behavior and if you guys don't stop I'll smash your cars with my sledgehammer.

Curt:
Ya, I'll bash your teeth in if you had any.  You got the (censored)...

Bobby:
I'm taking off my shirt so the girls can appreciate my manly presence.  Oh ya...that's good.

Manny:
Oh #$#$ you are one fat pig.

Curt:
For once I'm in agreement.

Larry:
As you can see the type of comic lightness that this team brings with energy and enthusiasm.  I'm really looking forward to the Sox going to the world series.

Bobby:
Ya...now the pants...oh ya...

Larry:
Once Bobby Jenks gets out of jail for indecent exposure and Manny for slugging a security guard and Curt for stealing his wallet, I'm sure we'll have a great and dynamic team next year.

I'm Joe Derive and I'm a Yankee fan...I think.