Hi, I'm Joe Derive and I talked with some athletes about not getting into the Hall Of Fame. It was shocking of course as they all claim not to use steroids. First it's Barry Bonds.
Bobby:
Joe, as I said before, I have never used steroids. I mean the idea of using steroids is just...shocking. Just shocking. Look at me. Do I look like a man who EVER used steroids!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe:
OK but why are you so green?
Bobby:
Mainly because of an unfortunate gamma ray blast while trying to save my friend Rick Jones many years ago...
Joe:
That was the Hulk.
Bobby:
Oh, well it was steroids but don't tell anyone...after all I need to get into the hall even though I cheated and it was OK to cheat since everyone else did it.
Joe:
Isn't that the bandwagon logic failing?
Bobby:
Hu?
Joe:
Never mind.
My next guest was Roger Clemens. Clearly this man used steroids!
Roger:
Joe, great to be here. As you know, I never took steroids. I do have this need to SMASH things but that has nothing to do with steroids.
Joe:
So you took steroids?
Roger:
NO I not. Roger SMASH!!!!...err...sorry side effects of steroids.
Joe:
OK well stop taking them.
Roger:
Why ugly man make Roger Hulk stop taking steroids!!!!!
Joe:
You are one SCARY guy Roger...Hulk. I'm leaving now!
OK well it was clear this was going to be a problem. I then interviewed Mark McGuire about his steroids use...that he admitted to.
Mark:
Listen Joe, steroids are BAD but man do I feel like a man with them.
Joe:
Can you put those claws down Mark and take off that insane and dangerous costume OK???? I'll wait!
Mark:
Joe:
I am NOT going to comment on that. Anyway Mark, what do you think of the steroid problem?
Mark:
You know Joe, everyone did do it and it was the only way to survive. When everyone around you is doing it and you don't, you won't survive in the big leagues. It's just the reality of the situation and baseball loved it as we were breaking all sorts of records.
Joe:
Mark for goodness sakes, this is a comedy blog, what kind of an answer is that!
Mark:
Sorry Joe would it be better if I said I often put on the Wolverine costume and battled Juggernaut and the Hulk!
Joe:
Whew, much better.
Finally I talked to Bobby Valentine and got his opinion on the subject.
Bobby:
The whole problem with this town will be revealed in April when I have my own radio show on 1050AM in Boston during the 2:30 am to 3:30 am hour but only when the power goes off at the station. That was the number one rule. It's the only locally produced show on radio that's produced during power blackouts that's also an NBC affiliate during the 2:30am to 3:30 am hour. Ha ha.
Joe:
I'm Joe Derive and sorry I asked.
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