Monday, May 13, 2013

Ben Cherington and John Farrell meet at Arnie's


Arnie looked out at the two slumping down drinks as if they were IV's.  He shook his head and went back into the kitchen.  His restaurant catered now to everyone both rich and famous and those looking for an evening out.  He was a good man, a kind man, a generous man and one fed up with Julio Lugo as his employer.

"Lugo, go over there and tell those two to quit it!"

Lugo walked out smashing into the door.  Plates and forks flew everywhere and Arnie scrambled to clean it up.

"That's another five hundred dollars you owe me..."

"At this rate, I'll have nothing left in my paycheck, let alone my bank account"

"That's the idea Lugo...it's your fault for all the years you made me suffer watching you in a Red Sox uniform....and that's a hundred for the stained apron.  I have to have it wet cleaned now and that's expensive."

"Right Arnie...sorry."

Lugo walked out and went to the table and saw Red Sox manager John Farrell and Ben Cherington, head of player operations slouched in their chairs watching the ceiling fans spin around.  Their heads could be seen mimicking their movements.

"Wow, "said Farrell.  "It's quite hypnotic watching it spin and spin."

"I'd estimate several revolutions per minute...boy I wish Daniel Bard were here to figure out that stuff...stuff..."

"OK you two, "said Lugo.  "Enough booze...you have to get a cab and go home."

"Oh hi Lugo, "said Ben.  "Glad you see your baseball career isn't ending...for now you're throwing away busted plates instead of ballgames..."

"ha...ha..." said Lugo.  "My radio show..."

"The only locally produced sports themed show in the northern Cleveland Ohio section with a major sports figure talking about sports at the 2:30 am spot...ya we got it, "said Farrell and Ben in unison.

"OK but let's call it a night OK."

"Night, " snapped Farrell.  "Man my team couldn't win a game if the legendary John Farrell was pitching...in my prime...oh we are the 67 Mets."

"I honestly had NO idea I'd get two relievers in a row that were so bad, "said Ben referring to Brittle Bailey and Joe Hanarhan  both failed experiments following the likes of Eric Gagne, Bobby 'Double Fist' Jenks, etc. etc. etc.

"Ya you did, "snapped John.  "If you wanted them they were bad...and you traded Jed Lowrie...when we needed a shortstop...for this?'

"I can pitch, "snapped Lugo. 

"So pitch me..." slurred John.  'pitch me your idea for a winning team. "

"No...we need...ah...we need...where is my sabermetrical calculator.  I need to calculate the .OPS .PBS...or is it the .BS calculation for the .PPS .PBS..."

"That's a television network you morono...' snapped John gulping down his last drink.  "And I for one consider it my sworn duty to point out that all that sabermetic crap is just that...#$#$#$ '

'OK you three, "snapped Arnie.  " I run a respectable and classy restaurant and people are looking at you and that hurts my business so..out you and you and you..."

"But I work here, "snapped Lugo.

"Like I said, " said Arnie.  'I run a respectable restaurant.'

'Fine, "snapped Lugo,  'I'm otta here..."

"I have to face Larry Luchchciuoeo....or whatever his name is...I'm jumping out that...window and that's it, "snapped Ben Cherington who quickly smashed through the window falling into the night air.

"Oh crap, "snapped John Farrell.

"Don't worry, "said Arnie.  "it's a one floor building.  '

"Oh, ' said John.  'Can I get another...my team...is killing me...softly."

"Gotta close up John...sorry."

 'I'll pay you...one hundred...thousand dollars...now..."

"John...I'm an honest man and you need to go home and get some rest...you have a game tomorrow."

John got up and fell right down crashing into the floor.  Arnie sighed.

"Clean up Lugo...gonna be a LONG night."









Monday, May 6, 2013

Bobby Valentine - ME!

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