Lugo on Cops

A drive down a dark road with a cop car. Julio Lugo is driving.

"My name is Julio Lugo. In addition...to my 3:00 am talk show that has great ratings, I also am a Baltimore cop."

(Radio)
"Possible murder at 34th and wine. Over"

"Glad that's over. Anyway, I like being a cop. It's very rewarding for me. Sometimes people go to me and say get the f-k out of here but most of the times they just ignore me...oh, my cell phone is ringing."

(Cell phone)
"Lugo you moron. Get over to 34th and wine. You have a murder. Didn't you hear the radio."

"Apparently, there has been yet another murder at 34th and wine and this one isn't over. "

Lugo drives over to the scene.

"Oh man this is nasty. Yuck! Well what we have here is a murder. "

A cop walks up to Lugo.

"Hey, where ya been? We're looking for the murder weapon."

"Did you check under the car."

"Ya..."

"Did you check on the roof?"

"Ya..."

"Well...I'm out of ideas."

The other cop sighs and the radio on Lugo's head set kicks in.

"Any officer available. Argument at 45th and Vine. Over."

"Man why do they keep calling us when its over. So pointless! Stupid Baltimore police...ah, you're not filming that are you?"

(Later at the scene)

"OK, now that I know 'over' means the end of the radio, I guess I can understand why I keep getting put on report every night. Gee...anyway, we have a man and a man and the man...what's his name hit the other...man what's his name."

(At the scene)

"What's the problem man!"

"That man hit me. He hit me all over. I want him in jail!"

Lugo nods.

"Aren't you going to arrest him?"

Lugo walks over to the man.

"Did you hit him?"

"no!"

Lugo throws up his hands.

"WHAT ABOUT THE BLACK EYE AND THE BRUISED LIP YOU MORON!"

"He fell down the stairs...officer Lugo and I'm a big fan of yours on the Orioles and I love your talk show."

Lugo accepts the $50 put in his hands.

"Well sorry man but its clear this guy didn't do anything."

"AHHH! " screamed the other man.

(Later)

"That was a messy situation. He says he didn't do it and he says he did it. How am I supposed to tell and then the guy slips me a $50 and I'm like, this guy is a nice guy. I mean then he gives me his gold watch and its a nice one. What can I do? I mean, you don't turn down presents! Then the other man gives me $75 dollars and at the end of the hour, both of them give me $200 dollars and a gold watch and a nice wool sweater. I gotta tell ya, I like Baltimore."

"They bribed you?"

"No, of course not. I never accept bribes. So OK so I guess the case is closed."

Join us next time for another episode of Lugo -> Cop!