As the Sox Lose

'As The Sox Lose' -- a glorious daytime soap opera from the people who brought you 'As The Yankees Win' -- leaked script

[woman walks into room]
"Youk...Youk...where for art though Youk."

[Youk walks into room.  A large lump of hair covers his head.  He pulls off his wig]
"I can't wear this mom.  I feel ridiculous. "

[Youk, its cold in Chicago.  You have to stay warm.]
'It's summer!"

[Mom shows tears in her eyes]
'Oh Youk...I can't believe the Sox dumped you.  After all you done do for them.

[Youk sits down as Clay Buckoltz walks in.  He's clearly ailing with blisters over his body and torn clothes.  ]
'Mom...I tried the bee sting cure for back ailments but it ain't workin.  I shoulda stuck with truck drivin'

[Mom looks up in discust]
'Clay Buckotlz, first you crashed fifteen trucks so far by just pressing the gas pedal.  I'm sorry son but you otta be the biggest fool to come along since...actually you are the biggest fool'

[Clay sags his head.]
'I'll take some ivyproof to cure it.'

[Mom slaps Clay's heal]
'That's ibuprofen you idiot.  This is as bad as the time you treated your back cures acupucture.'

[Clay gets confused]
'what's wrong with that?'

[Mom leans in closer]
'With a nail gun?"

[Clay stands there confused]
'Mom, I hate it when you talk all complicaterered'

[Bobby Valentine walks in]
[Kevin stands up and looks away with his nose in the air]
'Aw, you ain't sore that I told the neighborhood that you were actually the reincarnation of King Tut.'

[Kevin looks at him confused]
[Bobby Backs down]
'Hah, I never said such things...and they're just twistin my words just like I never said to the neighbors that Clay, instead of chopping the wood last winter, Clay done played golf with Josh Beckett.'

[Clay grabs Bobby]
'Now you listen to two things you old fool.  One, I ain't ever liked choppin wood and second...Josh Beckett is the worst golfer on the planet and third...I gotta big secret to share with everyone about Beenie Cherington...and I mean everyone'

[everyone glares at Cherington who walks in the room wearing shorts, a bright and ugly plaid shirt and glasses]


Tune in next time for more