Bobby V and Lester

Jon Lester sat down in his office.  He looked at Bobby and Bobby looked at Lester.  Both starred and then sighed before sagging their shoulders.  Bobby began to tap his fingers on the desk starring into the dust floating in the air.  The sunlight shining through the window made the dust appear to dance.  Jon Lester was starring at a record that made him something of an enigma.  Once a promising starter he was being shelled at every game and unable to come up with the big win.  In short, he looked like an arm ready to retire and end his career.

"So, "said Bobby starring at the pizza on the desk.

"So, "said Jon.

"I feel good, "said Jon. "I've been throwing the ball well.  My shoulder feels good.  I'm ready, I'm just not executing pitches.  I have to do a better job at that."

Bobby leaned down, focused his eyes on Jo n before leaning back in his chair.

"OK, "said Bobby with a glowing smile.  "Whew, I thought that was going to be hard. Glad we settled that."

"Me too, "said Jon smiling.  "I thought you'd go with Morales as the new starter considering he blows me away every game."

"Not too worry, "said Bobby digging into the pizza.  "I have absolutely no guts to do the right thing so relax."

Jon smiled and dove into the pizza.

"This tastes much better with cheese sauce dipped in peanut oil.  That cheezy tastes makes for yummy bellies don't you think Bobby."

"Absolutely.  That's why I bought the 'ULTIMATE."

Bobby of course was referring to a delicious cheese stick wrapped in pizza sauce and then wrapped in a soft wheat pizza dough.  It's deep fried then drowned in thick cheese sauce.  That's then wrapped in an entire three layer cheese pizza that's then deep fried and smothered in bacon strips but that's not all.  The ULTIMATE then is covered in layers of melted cheese and ground beef mixed with deep fried french fries..  Its 5,232 calories of scrumdelicious yum.

WARNING:
Consult your doctor before partaking in the ULTIMATE.  The ULTIMATE has been known to cause severe heart disease and possible stroke.  Users participating in the ULTIMATE may experience shortness of breath, bloated stomach, and constipation.  Do not consume the ULTIMATE if you are pregnant and/or have a history of any sort of heart disease in your family.  Long term consumption of the ULTIMATE (more than one bite) has been known to cause numbness in the chest followed by right arm pain, shortness of breath before a hard squeezing sensation occurs in the chest followed by collapse.  Call 911 immediately and ask for a cardiac surgeon.  The ULTIMATE is banned in many countries so check with the country's Embassy before entering so you to can enjoy the ULTIMATE.


"Oh man...that is so good.  Oh...more."

"Hey you losers.  Save some for me!"

"Oh sure Lackey.  No problem.  You know..."

Lackey sat down devouring the food.  Cheese and bacon dripped down his face.  Sauce stained his shirt and dripped slowly on the floor.  Lackey's chest already began to ache after three bites.  Jon, who initially frowned on the ULTIMATE devoured it thanks to John Lackey's encouragement.

"I'm not feeling well, "said Bobby squeezing his chest, "but it's so good...so much cheese and fat...I can't stop myself."

Soon all three were on the floor screaming in pain but still desperate to get more of the ULTIMATE. 

"Oh man, I can't pitch...on Saturday...hurts too...much, "said Jon Lester. "Can I have some beer to go with...this."

"Damn you Lackey, "whispered Bobby V. squeezing his chest.  "I've fallen and I can't get up.  Thank goodness I have my MedicAlert bracelet.."

"Oh for heaven's sake, "shouted Dustin Pedroia walking in the room.  "No more eating the ULTIMATE.  "

"Did somebody say ULTIMATE, "said Clay Buckoltz dragging his jaw into the room.   I rightly feel a mighty hunger like a hog comin' in from the stump.'

"What in hell are you talking about, "shouted Dustin. 

"Don't know...but I'm craving...THE ULTIMATE."

Soon all were on the ground devouring the ULTIMATE wondering when someone was going to call 911.