Valentine at Wallmart.

Hi, I'm Joe Derive and I couldn't resist this.  I'm heading to the electronics section to pay a visit to their new salesperson.

"Hi Bobby!"

I watch as Bobby forces a smile on his face.

"Hey Joe."

I watched and almost felt sorry for him.  What's he doing here anyway?  The great Bobby Valentine, one day after being fired is working here.

"Well, I bet you want to know what I'm doing here Joe."

Ya, that crossed my mind.

"Well, I tell ya, I felt...kind of down and I decided to head out to Wallmart and work with people...cheer me up.

Well, that was...odd.  OK but I decided to make amends and bought a small phone for him to check out.  Kind of get him cheered up.

"I'll take this phone Bobby."

"OK."

I watched as Bobby scanned it in and started typing information into the computer.

"Nope...doesn't seem to work.  Hmm...maybe I'll wait to see if it gets better."

Obviously the computer system was giving him problems.  I watched as he starred at the screen.  I waited.  I waited.  Meanwhile another customer was behind me.

"Nope that doesn't seem to work.  Let me scan it in again."

Obviously the computer system was giving him problems.  I watched as he scanned it in again and watched the screen.

"I...I think I'll wait some more."

Another customer was behind me making a total of two.  I honestly don't see what waiting was going to do for him. 

"I'll contact someone...oh ya, they're all in meetings."

I waited as yet a third customer was behind me.

"Hmm...let me scan it in again.  That should do it. "

I waited.

"Doesn't seem to let me get past this screen.  Odd...let me wait and see if it gets better."

I waited.  Now a total of four customers were behind me and I started smelling their breaths.

"Doesn't seem to let me get past this screen.  Odd, let me wait and see if it gets better."

"I can come back. "I said as I listened to an endless advertisement for Sleeping Beauty in the background.

"No, Joe...let me scan it in again.  I think it will fix itself magically this time.  Yes, unfortunately everyone is in a meeting.  I can scan it in again."

I waited.

"No, no luck.  Doesn't let me get past this screen. This is very odd.  I just hate to have you come back."

"Hey Valentine, you're as good at this as you are a manager -- no wait..."

"Just a minute sir and thank you for your patience.  I'll be right with you, "came Bobby's reply to the obnoxious customer.

"No, that doesn't seem to be working.  Odd, I wait and I wait and I get nowhere. "

"Ya how'd that work for ya on the Red Sox, "snapped another customer.

"Hey calm down. The man got fired and is working here.  Isn't that enough humiliation for one afternoon!"  I said defending Bobby.

I felt very proud of myself for my actions.

"Boy...Joe...this is a mystery.  Let me reboot the machine."

I waited and waited hearing beeps and clicks.

"Bad sector...what's a sector?  I guess it's OK.  It's telling me to insert disc and press enter.  I have a music CD here. I'll put that in."

I waited as Bobby shoved the disc into the drive.

"Still tells me to hit return and I put a disc in.  This is odd.  Perhaps it needs more time.  Machines can be strange things.  "

"Bobby, I can just do this another time."

By now all the customers had left.  I saw Bobby stare endlessly at the screen.  I felt sorry for the man.

"Joe...I just realized something.  I have NO idea what I'm doing here."

Oh Bobby, we understand all too well.

I'm Joe Derive