“Good evening Boston. Welcome to the the Julio Lugo show. The only locally produced radio show hosted by a current Red Sox player during the 4:00 am hour on Eastern time on Sunday nights in New England before the 5:00 am hour. “
“Now it's ti...MEE...Now it's ti...MEEE...it is TI...ME...for the Lugo...The Lugo...The Lugo”
“Now it's ti...MEE...Now it's ti...MEEE...it is TI...ME...for the Lugo...The Lugo...The Lugo”
“Now it's ti...MEE...Now it's ti...MEEE...it is TI...ME...for Jul__IO...LUGO...SHOW!”
“OK...I'm feeling good. We're going to have...his name is Bill...and he's our first guest in the studio...this is so exciting. No more phone calls. Bill welcome...!”
A large cough.
“Ah...Bill!”
“Hu...wha...where am I?”
A long pause.
“Anyway, Bill is a traveler and an outdoors adventure...guy...who sees a lot of America...”
A short pause.
“Ah...I was in jail...how'd I get out!”
A short pause.
“Bill...like...you weren't in jail...ah...that was last night...OK...you were like exploring America...”
“I want to get drunk! Hey...I'm clean...I'm never clean...who washed me...what the hell is this? Where's my shopping cart? Where is my cardboard box?”
A pause.
“Look Bill...relax...we're like giving you a chance to be famous!”
“As long as its not that Lugo crap show...I'd rather have a drunk dentist pull my teeth out!”
A sigh from Lugo.
“OK...Bill...ah...where ya from.”
“I hang around Lynn a lot...you know and I ah...hey...I smell good!”
“Ya, “said Lugo. “Ah...”
“Hey what's your name anyway!”
“Ah...Jackie Robin...son...”
“Well Jackie...I like this suit...feels good. Hey...how'd I get out of jail?”
“Well...ah...OK Bob...thanks for being with us and have a great life!”
“Wait...how bout some money!”
“Good night Bill...”
A long pause.
“OK...like, that was a bad idea. Let's take a call...ug!”
“Hello.”
“Hello Lugo. I'm depressed.”
Lugo sighed and said, “you're not the only one!”
“What?”
“Never mind...what's up!”
“My wife...she never sees me. Always at work...it's just so frustrating. I'm having to...you know...”
Lugo sighed.
“Well tell her you love her...spend time with her...you know that stuff...and don't do something stupid like whack her head against the truck...which I never did of course...NEVER.”
“You're right Lugo.!”
“I know Lugo right!”
“Well...when she gets back from that weekend business boat trip in Hawaii with her boss, I'll tell her how I feel about her!”
Lugo paused.
“Ah...ya...good...idea...ya...”
“See ya!”
Lugo sighed.
“Ever get the feeling that some days everything goes wrong with you no matter what!”
A sigh.
“Let's take another call.”
“Hello...you're on the Lugo show...”
“Hello you're on Live with Five...that's Five Live!”
“What?”
“What?”
“Hey...this is the Lugo show!”
“No you idiot, it's the Five Live show...”
“No it's the Lugo show”
“Five Live.”
“Lugo”
“Five Live now have you got a problem with your health or not...”
“Fine...I have a large blister in my back oozing puss...does that satisfy you!.”
A pause.
“Puss..I like puss..How many you got?”
Lugo paused.
“Oh...fifty five of them!”
“Ah....ah....ya....tell me about them...ahhhhhh....ohhhhh....”
A large clank was heard.
“Sicko! ”
“OK...no pranks guys. I mean...I know it's 4:40 in the morning but man...have a little respect for me and this show.”
“OK...”
“Ahhhh...oooooo...yaaaaaa.....pusss....ahhhhh”
“Hey...I'm hanging up now!”
Lugo kicked the table.
“Sicko!”
“You know audience...Lugo not so dumb OK. I'm a person like you...ah...another call!”
“AHHHHHH......oh thank you!”
“Ah...you sicko!”
“man...I mean I asked EVERY SINGLE player on my team and nobody shows up for my show. Kinda hurts my feelings you know! I have to get a homeless guy and some nut case who gets turned on by back sores! What's next squishing bugs!”
“Hello you're on Lugo!”
“Lugo...can you squish some bugs for me...I like that sound!”
Lugo kicked the desk.
“It's the pervert phone line tonight. What is this! Why can't we screen these calls”
Lugo sighed.
“hello!”
“Can you tie me up Master. I love being tied up with ropes and chains while boiling hot wax covers my....ahhhh....”
“Crap...that's it...I'm done. That's it for the Lugo show for tonight! Tomorrow we'll have better guests...hopefully some people who didn't go to Sickos Anonymous!”
“Good night everybody and go to bed!
“Bye Bye ...it's ti...MEE...Now it's ti...MEEE...it is TI...ME...to say Bye Bye Bye...BY--EEE”
“Bye Bye ...it's ti...MEE...Now it's ti...MEEE...it is TI...ME...to say Bye Bye Bye...BY--EEE”
“Good night...”
“Aw that closing theme sucks”
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