“Good evening Boston. Welcome to the the Julio Lugo show. The only locally produced radio show hosted by a current Red Sox player during the 4:00 am hour on Eastern time on Sunday nights in New England before the 5:00 am hour. “
“Lugo is an idiot, Lugo is a Moron, Lugo is a failure and now he's out of the Red Sox YA!...and he's your number one showwwww!”
“OK ya that was great guys...real nice welcome to my show! “
A sob.
“OK...I'm out of the Red Sox but hey I'm human too and that theme song is awful...now use the one I chose.”
A pause.
“Here comes Lugo with all his glory, Lugo is smart, Lugo is the best short stop in the league and he's also your number one show!”
A pause.
“That's better. Now please guys...I'm having enough of trouble coping with my 'departure' from the Red Sox! “
Lugo sighs and looks at the microphone.
“Anyway, we have here Sally, our new research intern. She was recommended by our tech wizard Johnny here so here we are with Sally. Hello Sally.”
“Mmmm....Hi Julio...baby...I'm so hot!”
“Ah...I'm like married and you're like 45?”
“Mmmm....I don't care...right Johnny!”
“Ya...right...ah...you sure are burned...I mean...it's kinda freaky!”
“I hate being white!”
“Ya well apparently you hate being mentally sane. ”
“Lugo...oh excuse me, I'm texting my boyfriend!”
“I thought Johnny...”
“Johnny, oh he's nice like the football player and that cheerleader and the clerk and...”
“Sally were you ever on Jerry Springer ?”
“No...mmmm....he's in the hole...oh poor baby!”
“The hole. Who's in the hole?”
“Johnny of course!”
A pause
“Right...Johnny!”
A pause
“Ya...he says he got into a fight and they threw him into the hole?”
“Who threw him in the hole?”
“The guards?”
“The guards?”
“Ya...the guards.”
“Oh he wants to marry me when he gets out!”
A long pregnant pause.
“Gets out from where?”
“The state prison!”
“Is this guy in prison?”
'Ten to twenty but he loves me. We text all the time...that is when I'm not in the tanning salon or f(bleeping) the subway men!”
A really long pause.
“Sally, you ever had electro shock treatment?”
“Oh...no...”
A pause.
“But my other boyfriend did just die in the electric chair for double homocide. We texted all the time...right until his last walk! That was so...exciting...mmmmm”
Lugo chokes on some milk spraying it over the microphone.
“OK well, we'll take a break!”
Commercial
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(Talking without teeth)
“Dentwal cawe fow meah”
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“OK...that was...wierd...but speaking of weird!”
A long pause.
“Sorry Lugo but Ben was right there!”
“OK...whatever...that's it for the Lugo show...Bye!”
“Bye Bye ...it's ti...MEE...Now it's ti...MEEE...it is TI...ME...to say Bye Bye Bye...BY--EEE”
“Bye Bye ...it's ti...MEE...Now it's ti...MEEE...it is TI...ME...to say Bye Bye Bye...BY--EEE”
“Good night...”
“Aw that closing theme sucks”
Posts
I like Sally. :-)
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