Pace Yourself.

Pressures

Jonathan Papelbon sat in the clubhouse. A meeting was called to order. Everyone was in attendance. Theo Epstein came to greet the crowd.

“Hey everyone, just wanted to say how much we're going to miss Mark Kotsay. I hope that's not going to affect everyone's performance. After all, we're about making the team a better team.”

Everyone felt sweat drip down their brows. Everyone felt their hands shake.

“This certainly doesn't mean that you're next of course...”

Theo's eyes beamed across the room starring at Jason Varitek and Mike Lowell along with Jason Bay and David Ortiz.

“We give everyone a chance to excel in a reasonable amount of time...even if that is...ah...two days or so!”

Theo's eyes beamed across the room.

“I gotta...I gotta crap, “said Brad Penny running to the bathroom.

“I...I gotta crap, “said John Smotz.

He also burst from the room and ran to the bathroom.

“Of course we want to acknowledge the players that have meant so much to us over the years.”

A pause.

“Now that we've done that let's look at areas of improvement.”

The phone rang. Jonathan Papelbon picked it up.

“Hello.”

“Ya...ah...can we talk later...ya...go pinstripes!”

A pause.

“As I was saying, our goal here is to create a winning atmosphere where you win the World Series every single year...or else!”

Dustin Pedroia nodded.

“Ah...I gotta crap, “said Jason Varitek who hobbled to the bathroom grabbing his stomach as if it were going to fall out of his belly.

“Because winning means not winning the Playoffs...but LOSING the World Series!”

“Ah...Big Papi going to throw up...now!”

Others soon followed as a wave of nausea came across the room.

“Each of you are replaceable and are welcome to go home.”

Coughing and gagging fell through the room. A bottle of scotch was passed around the room.

“Those with BACK PROBLEMS!!!!”

J.D. Drew fell on the floor in pain.

“Those with HIP PROBLEMS!!!”

Mike Lowell hobbled to the bathroom.

“Those with INCONSISTENT ARMS!!!”

Manny Delcarman hit the wall falling into tears,

“Those who THINK they are free AGENTS but SUCK!”

Jason Bay fell on the floor in grueling pain.

“Those who are, in general, who fail to get the MVP award this YEAR...because they SUCK!”

Dustin nodded listening like a good schoolboy and waving to Theo.

“Those who can't manage to get a player OUT at second base...because your arm SUCKS!”

Jason Varitek, who came out of the bathroom fell back into the bathroom.

“Those who think they are Johan Santana but SUCK!!!!”

John Lester fell to the ground and began to mumble to himself.

“WILL NOT BE HERE NEXT YEAR!!!!”

A pause as everyone else started crying.

“OK...anyway, Go Sox and have a good day!”

Theo walked out as Tito nodded in shock and wondered what was next.