Bobby Valentine talks to the press

Hi, I'm Joe Derive.  I think its pretty clear now that Bobby is NOT going to be the manager next year for the Red Sox.  How do I know?  Listen to his press conference.

Bobby:
I'm glad to be here.  Despite the fact we've won like two games in 50, I feel like a turnaround has happened for me.

Joe:
Mr. Valentine, what do you mean by that.

(It's then that things went a LITTLE crazy)




Bobby:
Well you know folks, I've been using a catherer for about 30 yrs now and while it's not fun, Liberator Medical has made my life a WHOLE lot easier.  They come pre-lubed for easy insertion and with a bacterial ointment, I feel confident I won't get a nasty infection and flare up and that makes life so much easier for me.

(I know...can it get any worse)

Bobby:
So call Liberty Medical today for a free trial offer.  Buy one catherer and get one free. 

(We all stood their dumbfounded.  I was sick to my stomach.)

Bobby:
Ya Joe.

Joe:
Ah...sorry...ah...what about the performance by Felix Dubront?

Bobby:
He was really great.  He showed us that his stuff is there and he can be a competitive pitcher.  I just wish I would have won the game.  Nevertheless I was really nervous and it didn't help my eczema.  Fortunately their is Compost scented Eczema creme that has a light touch of fungi.  When I get skin rashes from using men's diapers I find it creates a soothing feeling and it's got natural vitaman E for good skin and a healthier me.  So folks, run down and get compost scented Eczema creme and you'll be a better you.

Joe:
Ah Bobby...can we skip the commercials.  Most of us haven't had dinner yet?

Bobby:
Oh sorry.  It's just with diaper rash that often creates an irritating oozing skin condition in me, I need "Butt Paste'   It's a creme that coates and soothes my skin preventing the rash used when wearing an adult diaper -- or as I like to call it -- the 'accident prevention policy'.  The creme doesn't burn and within 5 days I find myself feeling like a new man...and that's why I don't sit during most games and have a hard time controlling my temper.  Whew...fortunately their is:

Joe:
ENOUGH...I can't take it anymore.  You're like the ad campaign for the channel I will NEVER WATCH.  You're INSANE...

Bobby:
Have I mentioned the oozing...

Joe:
No and I'm Joe Derive.