Chapter 4

Terry Francona is Mr. Obvious

Chapter 4 - Mr. Obvious meets Mr. Environment

I've always liked Jason Varitek for his work ethic and for his smarts; however, coming up with an idea for him was hard but once again I thank the blog. There was a comment about environmentalists and I couldn't resist. Personally, I am an environmentalist but I can make fun of myself as well. This was also fun since I got to create an explanation for all the injuries that happened last year.

– Dave Fernandes

Terry Francona walked into his office and starting tripping over everything before slamming into the desk and finding the seat. He knew that because he felt the pain from slamming into the desk. He sat down before crashing to the ground.

“I see the lights are off again. I know that because I cannot see in the dark. Jason is saving us electricity. I know that because the lights are off. “

“You wanted to see me Terry?”

“Is that you Jason?, “asked Terry reeling from the pain of crashing to the ground. “I ask that question because I cannot see you and that is because the lights are off. If I could see you I would not ask that question. I also need another chair. I see your continued attempt to make furniture out of used Gatorade cups is not working. I know that because my entire hip is screaming with pain from crashing through the chair. I also know that because that is how Mike Lowell damaged his hip last year from crashing through the Gatorade chair and J.D. Drew threw his back out when he fell over your solar powered lawnmower that he could not see since it was a rainy day. Did you know that because Mike Lowell joined the NRA the next day to kill you.”

“SHHHH, “snapped Jason. “You have to keep your voice down. The excessive carbon dioxide released contributes to global warming.”

Terry then said, “That is insane and I know that because no normal person would worry about talking contributing to carbon dioxide and that is how I know you are insane.”

“Thank you sir.”

“Also that is why Josh Beckett pulled his back muscle last year in Spring Training when he fell over the table unable to see walking in the room. Then Julio Lugo slipped on a spill of olive oil and used motor oil smeared all over the floor from Dustin Pedroia and tore into his leg muscles. It is obvious Dustin did that because Dustin then regretted it.”

“I regret that, “shouted Dustin in the background.

“He regrets it, “shouted Tim Wakefield repeating the line in the background.

Jason nodded and said, 'Sir, why are you bringing up Julio Lugo?”

“It always makes me feel better.”

“Ah, “said Jason but you forced me to talk more. That was very tricky of you.”

Terry said nothing. He was not being tricky but he could not explain that to Jason without talking. That was very tricky of Jason.

“Sir, think how much better our night vision is when we turn off lights everywhere and how much energy does the team save!“

Terry had an answer to that one and that was obvious.

“That is obvious because we had an entire colony of mosquitoes biting us in the clubhouse when you wouldn't let us use the air conditioning last summer. It is obvious your ideas are not working because moral is down in the clubhouse as nobody is allowed to kill the leeches, carpenter ants and slugs that are invading the clubhouse. ”

Jason nodded and said “but...”

“Think of last year. I say think of last year because that is when everyone got the flu. Last year you said everyone needs to use one plastic cup for drinking and share it among everyone to save on waste. I know that because of last year's flu epidemic and the fact that doctors said what the ##$ you were thinking sharing a drinking cup. ”

“Yes, “said Jason. “But look at how many trees we saved so that they can be used for caring for birds and owls by stopping cutting down trees and don't forget out water savings!!!”

“Please don't remind me because you smell like a slaughter house barn with a large fan blowing the smell everywhere and I know that because I have almost thrown up twice being in the same room with you.”

“Sir, “said Jason. “Look at the water I save avoiding all forms of cleanliness!”

'I also know it made the flu epidemic worse because nobody was allowed to shower and that made the flu epidemic worse because nobody was allowed to shower.”

Jason said, “That's going to change. We're going to use 'dry clean'. It's an organic compound of dead skin cells of people who have just washed up mixed with free range garlic and sea vegetables. It smells great. ”

Tito could only move his jaw back into position.

“Of course Jason. You are valuable to the team. Sometimes it it hard though. I know that because I lost my mind in Japan last year and refused to wash my clothes in the laundromat because you told me it was bad for the environment. It was very hard to explain to the press and I know that because it was very hard to explain to the press. That is obvious.”

Jason sighed and Terry knew that because he could smell the stench permeate the room.

“You have been different since you saw Al Gore's global warming video and I know that because you have been different since you saw Al Gore's global warming video.”

“Sir...if everyone did our part.”

“Jason, we don't turn on lights, shower, wash our clothes, hit a home run because of wasting a ball or hitting the ball too hard for fear of breaking and wasting a bat. We use one cup, don't use hot water or air conditioning and now smell and feel worse than ever because we don't turn on lights, “

“Sir...am I ever proud of this team.”

“I am glad somebody is, “said Terry, “now can I turn on the light so that I can see again?”
“Sir...I have a wind powered generator that I just installed and that will provide lights from now on. Here...”

The light switch clicked on but nothing happened.

“Oh...I guess there is no wind tonight.”

“That is obvious.”