Chapter 5

Terry Francona is Mr. Obvious

Chapter 5 - Mr Obvious Meets the Brad Penny's Posters of Evil

This was very hard to write. I wanted to write something about Brad Penny's struggles. I got an idea when he stated how good he felt despite blowing two games. I went from there. I also added everyone's favorite fall guys Julio Lugo (ss for the Red Sox) and Manny Ramirez (which everyone on the Red Sox blog nicknamed Zazu after he left the team.

– Dave Fernandes

Terry Francona sat down in his office in a chair that was behind his desk. He looked at the door and saw Brad Penny smile. Brad Penny should not be smiling. He had to talk to Brad Penny after the game. He could not talk to him during the game because Brad was pitching and that meant he had to wait till after the game. Now he could talk to Brad Penny. That is obvious.

“Hello Brad.”

Brad sat down and looked at Terry. He had showered. We knew that because his hair was wet.

“Oh wait, I forgot to put up the picture of Julio Lugo in drag. Here I will put it on the wall.”

'Hmm...” said Terry. “You have changed the subject. That is what you do and that makes it hard to talk to you about the pitching performance that somehow made me think that Julio Lugo in drag was a better image in my head than your 8 – 0 shelling. I do not know why I thought of Julio Lugo but I think it is because you are gluing a 12 by 12 foot picture of him on the wall. “

“Hey speaking of my pitching performance, that was great to watch Papelbon get the last out and it was incredible how the team came back from a 8 -0 deficit. I am very proud of them.”

“You are changing the subject again and now I can’t get my mind off of Julio Lugo on the wall. This is going to make me insane. I know that because I feel like burning my office down just to get rid of that picture. ”

“Ya, it's too bad that Manny Delcarman gave up that double and brought in the eight runs.”

“Manny did give up a double but then got out the next eight batters. I know that because I wrote it down that he gave up a double and then got out the next eight batters. Here it is on my desk. Did you see it? Wait...you are trying to confuse me by changing the subject and now all I can see is Julio Lugo in that Shirley Temple dress. ”

“It was also amazing to watch Jason Bay be a smash hitter.”

'Jason Bay is a smash hitter. I did watch him because I was in the dugout during the game. I said nothing to him and yet he hit well. I see also you are putting up another picture of Julio Lugo covering himself with olive oil. I see that Julio autographed it. I also notice that he has no clothes on. This is damaging my mind.”

“Now I have to go now. I have to celebrate this amazing win.”

“Wait, “snapped Terry. “You are trying to make me forget why you are here. You are the one who gave up the eight runs. You think I am stupid but I am obvious not stupid and that is obvious...Ah...those posters are making me sick. ”

“Actually we talked about the error that gave the Red Sox the lead. Wasn't that amazing?”

“I can’t stop looking at the Julio Lugo posters. You did that to get me to forget about your pitching performance. I remember that. We were tied 8 – 8 and yet we won because of an error. That was obvious...but you are again changing the subject again.”

“You are changing the subject Tito. We came in here to talk about the win and the new poster I’m putting up.”

“Yes it is a picture of Julio Lugo and Zazu covered in egg yokes and they are both naked. I see you saved the worst for last. It is also a 12 by 12 foot poster and all four of my walls are covered in Lugoville.”

Terry shivered at the images. We know that because he shivered at the images.

“No...this is...too much, “said a terrified Tito.

Brad looked up and said, “Hey as long as you don't look at them you'll be...oh no. I looked. I looked at them all. Terry...help me.”

“I can't, “shouted Tito.

“We've got to get out of here, “shouted Brad.

“Hit the floor, “shouted Tito.

They fell to the floor with a loud thump rattling the room.

“Oh man...the angle...it's worse, “cried Brad.

“Don't look at it. Turn your eyes away.”

“I can't...the egg dripping off of Zazu...it's a nightmare.”

Terry crawled on the floor.

“I'll help you.”

“Oh God...I don't wanna die, “cried Brad.

“Hold on Brad. I'll save you. I must...do this.”

“Please Tito...I just saw Lugo's...pe”

“Don't say it, “shouted Tito. “Your brain will explode.”

Tito reached Brad and shouted, “grab my hand...I'll pull you out of here.”

“I don't want to touch any human flesh anymore. It's too horrifying.”

“Come on dammit. You can do it! It's no worse than giving up eight runs...I think.”

“No, “shouted Brad now whaling in tears. “It's too much. I have lugoitis.”

“No, shouted Tito. “That's lethal. You know what it does to people. You have to hold on. We can do this...for the love of the game...we can do this.”

Brad's eyes bulged and starred at the images on the wall. He began mumbling to himself and curling into a fetal position. Tito knew he was out of time.

“Hold on...I'll save you.”

Tito grabbed Brad and pulled him along. He was shaking and shivering as tears poured out of his eyes.

“Curse you Lugo, “shouted Tito.

He grabbed Brad and dragged him on the floor. Screams poured out from Tito's lungs as he accidentally looked up and saw egg yoke dripping from...”

“No...dammit, “shouted Tito. “I won't let Lugo...beat...me!”

He looked over at Brad.

“I gave up eight runs...I gave up eight runs...Lugo...he's got olive oil...I gave up eight runs...ahhhhh...I'm beginning to like Pinstripes. Tito help me.”

Terry saw that Brad was going to have convulsions followed by heart failure. How fitting for someone giving up eight runs and putting up those frightening photos.

“It's now or never and I know that I'll make it now. I said...the...obvious.”

Tito pulled Brad out the door and crawled into the locker room. He could still hear the screams from Brad Penny whaling on the floor.

“Brad it's over...it's all over. Open your eyes...metaphorically speaking but that is obvious.”

Brad looked around and breathed in the air of the room.

“You saved my life and after what I tried to do to you. I won't let you down again. I'll pitch better next time. I promise.”

“You will, “said Tito, “because I'm going to have those posters glued to your hotel room walls. ”

Brad rolled on the floor.

“Oh man...that was obvious wasn't it.”