Chapter 8

Terry Francona is Mr. Obvious

Chapter 8 - “Mr. Obvious Meets Lugo and the Whiner. “

“This came easy. I was tired of J.D. Drew and his injuries. In fairness, I'm not living in his body but whoever said this blog was about kindness. It's about making you laugh (with apologies to J.D.

– Dave Fernandes

Mr. Obvious sat in his office. He knew he was in his office because he was in his office. He looked at the door. Julio Lugo walked in with a smile. The smile on Terry's face drained and he paused to feel ensured he still had a stomach. He did.

“Hey Terry...I'm back!”

Terry felt the color of his face drain away.

'You know you always have the color of your face drain away when I come in and say I'm back.”

“Yes, “said Terry. “That is because I am not sure you are ready. That may be obvious but if not I can come up with better excuses. ”

Terry then leaned forward and said, “are you?”
“Ya...but Lugo like your concern. I get fan mail from all my fans saying that a very long and patient healing process is the best thing I can do for the team. I'm so proud to have so many fans on the team.”

Tito forced a smile and said, “You know that the entire clubhouse feels the same way...so don't come back...yet!”

“OWWW, “came a scream in the background. A whiny voice then said, “that broken toenail is killing me. I need to go on the disabled list.”

“Ah that is the J.D. Drew. It is obvious that J.D. Drew is whining since everyone calls him the whiner.”

“Everyone calls him the whiner.”

“That is Tim Wakefield, “said Tito. “He repeats everything I say.”

“I am Tim Wakefield, “said Tim. “I repeat everything he says.”

“That is obvious.”

“That is obvious, “said Tim.

“Ah, “said Lugo. “He no repeat everything Lugo sayah.”

A long pause.

“Well, “said Tito. “how about we rest you for a few more years..ah...weeks...until your contract...ah...I mean until you are better.”

Lugo sighed and said, “no Tito. I need to get back into game. Arnie and everyone say they want me back. They send Lugo great food. Did you know that you can use motor oil to deep fry things and then leave them out in the sun for a few days?”

Tito once again felt a smile go across his face.

“Arnie is a good man. I know that because I desperately want to meet him. Can we make any of them for you?”

“Lugo made all of them and eat them. “

Tito felt fire burn through his face.

“OWWWW...I cut myself shaving. Where are those forms!”

Tito grabbed some aspirin.

“I picked the wrong week to stop overdosing on aspirin, “said Tito chewing up the bottle.

“OWWWW...I have athletes foot...and the skin is peeling. Where are those forms.”

Tito grabbed some Vodka and gulped it up.

“I picked the wrong week to quit killing myself through drinking Vodka.”

“OWWWW...I have butt rash and you guys need to look at it. I need to go on the disabled list.”

Tito grabbed a syringe and stuck a needle in his arm.

“I picked the wrong week to quit I.V. narcotics.

Lugo got up and sighed.

“Well...Lugo go and get ready for game.”

“OWWWW...damn paper cut. I can't fill out the forms for the disabled list. Somebody help me. I have too much pain and the buttons hurt when I wear the shirt and the glove makes my hand itch. Did everyone see my butt rash. You gotta see it because it's awful. I can't take it anymore.”

“Neither can I, “ said Tito getting up and aiming a gun at his head.

Lugo then said, “Wow...normally everyone points a gun at me.”

Tito said, “good idea. That is obvious.”

“OWWW...I think I have gonorrhea! You guys gotta see this. I gotta go get medical help and go on the disabled list again. LOOK AT IT! It's peeling and oozing and dripping blood everywhere.”

Drew burst into the office.

“OWWW!”
“They don't pay me enough for this, “said Tito. “That is obvious.”