Chapter 9

Terry Francona is Mr. Obvious.

Chapter 9 – Mr Obvious Meets Mr. Denial

This is pretty new. I wrote it in response to last night's destruction at the hands of Brad Penny who gave up seven runs in a very short period of time.

--- Dave Fernandes

Mr. Obvious was sitting in his office. He sits in his office a lot. You might say he sits in his office a lot. That is obvious since he is sitting in his office.

Meanwhile. Brad Penny was in his bed. He had overslept again. He yawned and looked around the room. The clock said 2:00 pm.

“Oh great. It's 5:00 am in the morning. I can sleep some more.”

Brad said that because he was Mr. Denial. That is why he said that.

The phone rang and Brad picked it up.

“Wow Terry, “said Brad. You get up early!!! It's 5:00 am. “

Brad could hear the sigh on the other end of the line.

“Brad, you have overslept again. I know that because you are Mr. Denial and you are going to tell me it's 5:00 am.”

“It's 5:00 am Terry. You should get more sleep.”

“...then you are going to tell me I should get more sleep.”

“You have a game tonight.”

“No that's tomorrow. Tim is pitching tonight.”

“No it is you and I know that because my ulcer and twitching hands came back and I have just eaten a box of Oreo cookies and five chocolate bars with vodka before topping it off with a bud light.”

“Wow, “said Brad. “you normally don't have a bud light.”

“Oh right...well with Lugo and Lopez playing I needed the extra help, “said Tito interjecting the thought.

“Wow what a trio! That was a great move wasn't it to hire me and Lugo and Lopez for the team.”

Tito said, “just hearing that has made me want to drink that bottle of scotch. I think I will.”

“I'm sure glad Lugo's back. He's so funny the way he makes two errors per game and still gets paid a boatload of money!”

Tito said, “yes...I'm glad you can identify with that.”

“And...Javier Lopez is my closer, “said Brad with a smile.

Tito then said, “A closer pitches one inning Brad. That is a bad choice of words. You need someone to pitch eight and one half innings for you. In your case it would be innings chewer.”

“Rock on!”

The phone went silent.

“The clubhouse is drawing lots to see who is playing tonight!”

“#$#$, “snapped Dustin Pedroia in the background before smashing a chair with his fist and breaking his hand.

“I see Dustin is your second baseman.”

“I broke my hand, “cried Dustin.

“Or not, “said Tito.

Brad smiled and said, “Dustin should still play Tito. With me pitching, I'll make sure everything is either a walk or a home run. “

Tito then said, “that is very reassuring Brad.”

“Yes it is. I feel great being able to pitch like this. The Cleveland fans sure will love me tonight!”

“Yes well that's one way of looking at it, “said Tito.

Brad said goodbye and hung up.

Meanwhile, Tito started hitting his head against the table but the vodka kept the pain away.

The phone rang.

“Hey Tito...it's Theo here. “Julian Taravez is finally available again. I think a good trade would be for Clay Buchhotz and Mike Lowell. What do you think?”

Tito smiled through the pain and said, “let me first drink my case of scotch.”

“OK...I'll wait.”

Tito sighed and said, "you do not understand satire. Let me call you back!"

Tito hung up and then picked up the phone and made a call.

“911...what is your emergency?”

Tito said, “it will be quite obvious in a moment...just where is that bazooka.”