Chapter 10

Terry Francona is Mr. Obvious

Chapter 10- The Curse Of Theo Epstein

Terry walked into the ballpark. He was thinking of some of the great deals of Theo Epstein. J.D. Drew who is constantly on the disabled list. Julio Lugo...nuff said. Bartolo Colon who pitched a couple of times before walking off the team. Then there was Eric Gagne who needed a twenty run lead to hold the game. Then there was the attempt to trade Mike Lowell, a superstar, for someone far less dependable. Yes...Theo was...interesting.

Terry arrived at his office. He placed his coffee cup on the Lugo desk. He watched is slide off the desk and spill on the floor. He was under contract – another Theo Epstein brainstorm – that “Lugo's Furniture, Inc.” was to have an exclusive no-bid contract to supply the manager of the Red Sox with office furniture. He walked over and opened the desk draw. The drawer front came off and crumbled. He pulled at the sides and watched it crash on the floor. That was enough of the Lugo desk. He sat down in the new chair. He felt the large nails penetrate his back. He slammed on the desk and watched one of the boards tear off the top.

Tito saw Lugo walked in. That's when the nails went deep under his skin.

“Heyo Tito...how you like new chair and desk I built you for!”

“Oh...it is quite a...penetrating experience, “said Tito.

Lugo then fell on the floor when he missed the chair and got up smashing through the glass wall before getting up again and walking right through it again slicing up his skin on the glass chards.

“Hey it's great to be back Tito, but I am sorry about the first Red Sox loss. I wonder why we played so bad after I returned.”

Tito winced and said, “well, I am sure I speak for the entire team that now that you are back and say we can look forward to many more games like this.”

Lugo smiled and sat on the floor again before finding the chair and getting up and sitting down in it breaking it.

“Lugo like building high quality furniture.”

Tito kicked the side of the desk and watched the leg crack in two.

“Hey boss...I noticed I'm not in the lineup for tonight's game.”

Tito looked up and forced a smile and said, “well with...your...type of injury...it's always important to...take...it...very...slow.”

“Oh ya because what if I get hurt again!”

ito smiled like a dream had come true and then said, “yes I am sure I speak for the entire team when Is say that would greatly affect the team's performance if you could no longer play on the team.”

Lugo smiled and gleamed his teeth to Tito. He then grabbed a chocolate bar off of Tito's desk and accidentally flung it backwards through the glass wall striking J.D. Drew's back.

“OWWW!!! that candy bar broke my back...disabled list...I need the disabled list.”

Tito smiled thinking of Van Every, his replacement.

“Well for sure you'll need me for the Yankee series!”

Tito clenched his fists together and started smashing his desk screaming obscenities. He calmed himself down and said, “yes...of course...we need a 'reliable' shortstop for that series don't we!”

“Hey I agree boss that's why I need to be there. I only do three errors a game. Theo Epstein says I'm the best thing this team have since Eric Gagne.”

Tito felt an urge at that moment and picked up his desk and lifted it before the top came off sending the sides crashing to the floor.

“AHHH” screamed Tito.

“Hey Tito...you too rough with Lugo desk. It not made to be abused.”

With the force of the Hulk,Tito threw the top and smashed it at the wall. The ill designed desktop crumbled as nails flew everywhere and chards of wood sprayed through the air. He sighed, caught his breath and said, “yes...Theo does make my life so much better these days.”

“Wow, “said Lugo. “I didn't know you wanted to move that desk I built you. You could have asked me. Now all broken and Lugo have to builda you another one.”

Tito then grabbed the nail ridden chair and threw it against the room screaming “AHHHHH”

“Hey...you broke Lugo chair! That was not nice of you. Lugo made it just for you.”

Tito then grabbed his bottle of vodka and gulped it.

“You sure drink a lot Tito and Papelbon told me you never drank when he started on team.”
“Ah, “said Tito. “That's because you joined one day later.”

“Oh, “said Lugo. “Lugo Furniture...Inc.” have exclusive contract to makee the Red Sox baseball bats. When do I start?“

Tito brought the bottle down slowly to the floor.

“Did...Theo...set...that...up?”

Lugo smiled and said, “ya...he make all funny deals. He make Lugo laugh. He says he want to trade Clay Buckholtz for Julian Taravez and Eric Gagne.”

Tito grabbed his bazooka out of the closet.

“I'm going to talk to Theo right now. ”

“You like bazooka Lugo build from PCQ pipe.”

Terry smashed it on the floor.

“That's PVC pipe and what happened to MY bazooka! First Jason Gabbard joins us again and now this!”

“That's KASON, “screamed Kason in the clubhouse.

Terry felt tears welt in his eyes.

“Hey Tito, “said Brad Penny. “I feel great. I'm ready to give up...twenty runs when we face the Yankees. I love Theo Epstein.”

Terry could not stand it any longer. He walked out of his office and out of the building. He opened the door to the outside and breathed in the air.

“The fans will blame me and it's NOT MY FAULT. That is OBVIOUS!”