The Life And Times of the Lugo Family In Rome

Part I

Sadly as all of us know, Julio Lugo, the shortstop for the Boston Red Sox has developed a bit of a somber reputation. Naturally, here at Red Sox Funhouse, we're going to exploit that.

ROME 2500 BC

Julius Lugo Lugnut

A long corridor stretches out into the warm afternoon sun. A man is bursting through into the senate office hard of breath, struggling to make the meeting on time. He is carrying a bowl.

“Just who are you?”

“Ah...sorry sir but Nero Drew couldn't make it tonight. “

The man sat down and said, “I'm so tired of getting burned by him. What is it now?”

“Backache sir.”

The figure nodded and waved his hand. Julius Lugo stepped forward.

“It's a bowl sir.”

“I can see that. Man were you born with brains!”

The man examined it. He examined it with great delight and suddenly his features changed.

“It's so...shiny.”

“A new metallurgical process sir. “

Now two figures examined the bowl and soon a crowd was around them. Julius Lugo glowed with enthusiasm.

“These bowls are amazing. I mean how do you make them so shiny. It's so mesmerizing!”

Julius, modest in heart as he is in mind...smiled.

“That is Julius Lugo secret but I tell you. It is something I call lead! I have lead dress, lead bowls, lead doors and lead meat. I mean...my family is covered in head!”

“Ah...you're the son of the lugnut inventor. Julius Lugo Lugnut!

Lugo sighed and said, “well...I my father did say I am a lugnut ”

They sighed and smiled. The man turned towards Lugo Lugnut and said, “well only a complete idiot would make a bowl that would kill everyone in Rome!”

“Of course. Lugo never want to cause brain damage from dangerous shiny stuff because that would get passed to generations of Lugnuts.”

The man smiled and said, “well...good point. These are now going to be the bowls for all the royalty in Rome. Everyone in power will be eating from these magnificent bowls and you will certainly be the hero that changed Rome forever”

Lugo smiled. “Thank you!,”

He nodded and waved back. He thought to himself and said, “my father always say to me...let the curse not live...ah...what he mean by that!”

NAPLES 79 AD

Janius Lugo – Engineer

Janius Lugo the great grandson of Julius Lugo was walking down the road where he placed a flag. It was to be the new town...the new place of business and commerce and it was all in his hands. The head engineer, Fredrick Drew was out with a backache.

“This is where build I Rome's city new. “

A large crowd gathered and drooled consuming lead chips baked in the sun.

“Janius, “what you pick what place. Fredrick Drew say bad!!!”

Janius bowed and said, “It just view great! Drew dumperer. He dumberer. Hey...you want someer lead grapess?”

The crowd devoured the grapes. They all looked knarled and confused. Janius looked behind him at the large and mighty beacon that starred at the great city.

“To Pompeii...our new...city. Our entire city made of lead...then we lead...we...du! ”

The crowd cheered and drooled on the ground.

Rome 476 AD

Romulus Augustus Lugnut

Romulus Augustus Lugnut...watched as the city burned to the ground. As the last emperor of the complete Rome he had climbed the ladder. He now sat on his head thrown watching the city burn.

“Du...lead...eat.”

It was obvious he had eaten too much lead.

“Where...du...Arnie...du.”

Arnie the head chef walked over and handed Lugo more lead pancakes with grinded up lead syrup on the lead bowl with his lead powder surprise.

“Du...good...du...doo...du...more lead...du...doo..du...lead...good...DU”

Arnie walked off as Lugo drooled. Mearly a child it was surely the end of Rome. Arnie was happy. The Lugnut family had ruled long enough. Thank you Arnie...surely the Lugo family would die out over time...right?