Chapter 14

Terry Francona is Mr. Obvious

Chapter 14 – Papelbon's Dead Dog

'This was written with a true story in mind -- don't get male dogs'

Terry Francona opened the door to his office. It was closed and that is why he had to open it. He opened the door and as the air found itself drifting towards his nose he backed off as if a large beast was about to attack him.

“This smell reminds me of...”

Tito said no more. Instead he looked at the small four legged creature walking on the floor lifting up his leg to properly mark his territory.

Tito screamed “PAPELBON!!!!”

Johnny ran over and said, “what's up big boss!”

Tito turned towards him and said, “why is your...DOG...in my office...customizing !!”

Papelbon smiled and said, “aw...he loves you Tito.”

“Yes, “snapped Tito. “I know that!”

Tito looked over. He also saw a torn up shoe on the ground. It was also with a shiny yellow color.

“That shoe...Dave Roberts gave me that shoe...to remember the most famous steal in baseball.”

Tito said that with a whisper.

“Aw...isn't he cute!”

Tito poured his body past Papelbon. He walked into the main lounge. He noticed the smell wasn't going away. He tried to go to the lockers but it was there as well. Everywhere he went the smell was attacking him.

He turned around.

“Ah...Papelbon, “whispered Tito in as calm a voice as he could muster.

“Ya Boss!”

“Ah...where was that uniform of yours...recently!”

Papelbon smiled and chuckled and said, “aw...the dog kind of marked it up...but I can't smell it anymore or anything!”

Tito walked away. This was the same dog that had ruined the game ball from the 2007 World Series.

“You...have to...change that uniform...quickly!”

Papelbon snickered and said, “can't Tito every uniform in the place has that smell. My sweetie dog so loving!”

Tito ran towards Papelbon smashing his body against the wall.

“Are you telling me the entire clubhouse has dog smell all over it!”

Papelbon said nothing. Tito turned around and ran outside into the clubhouse. Papelbon had gone mad. That is obvious.”

***

“Good evening everyone. Welcome to Red Sox baseball on a beautiful....aw God...what's that smell!”

A long pause came from the booth. Don and Jerry Remy were struggling to breathe.

“It's...dog urine, “snapped Jerry.

Don backed away against the wall.

“We...have to...get out of here.'

“Can't, “snapped Jerry. “It's all over the booth...everywhere. What do we...do?”

Don collapsed but realized the closer he came to the ground the worse it got. Shiny yellow color covered the white carpet. The desk had it, the microphone...everything.

***

Meanwhile, Tito finally found the dugout. The air was stale and raw. He saw the lines of golden yellow everywhere. It was on the floor and on the seats.

“I can't take it.”

“I can't take it, “repeated Tim Wakefield who repeats everything that is said.

“Don't start repeating me!” snapped Tito who hated to suck in more air.

“No, “said Tim. “I really can't take it.”

Tito looked around.

“Tim...you spoke!”

Tim didn't smile. He had a wave of nausea written all over his face. Tito looked around. The entire clubhouse was standing up desperate to avoid the ground.

“Oh man, 'shouted Dustin Pedroia. “The Gatorade bucket...it's shiny yellow!”

Tito grabbed his hands and wrapped them around his chest. He stepped backwards. The ground was feeling very soft all of a sudden.

He looked down. He looked up. He looked down. He looked up.

“Wow...it smells great in here, “said Brad Penny who was oblivious to everything and was in entire denial but it only lasted a second as Brad keeled over.

“Help me...please...” begged Brad.

David Ortiz walked over.

“Big Papi have fix for situation. Big Papi burn down Fenway Park but not until Big Papi kill Papelbon.”

Tito gave the idea of fried dog a thought, but was too afraid of touching anything.

***

“Good evening everybody. Want to thank the Boston Scuba Society for these great underwater tanks and full face masks and want to apologize for the funny sound we have but air is really important to us right now. ”

“Don, “shouted Jerry. “The...the green monster...it's got a yellow shine to it?”

Don looked further onto the field. Jason Bay was desperately tearing his uniform off and pouring gasoline all over it.

“oh...this ain't good.”

***

Meanwhile Tito was still standing catatonic in the clubhouse.

“David? “ asked Tito who was struggling to breathe.

“Big Papi throwing up. He busy.”

Tito looked away from Papi.

“Why is Jason Bay setting his uniform on fire in left field?”

Tito looked at Big Papi who looked like he lost a hundred pounds.

“Big Papi going to kill dog who did this!”

"Hey, " shouted Dustin Pedroia. "Follow Jason's lead...HURRY!"

"Hey, "shouted Tim Wakefield. "Follow Jason's lead...hurry!"

Tito smiled and said, "that's the Tim I know and love!"

Tito looked around. Everybody was running towards left field tearing their uniforms off. The fire was becoming quite large in size. There was cheering and shouting on the field. It was a strange sight to see a nude Jason Bay and Dustin Pedroia on the outfield.

"Big Papi never knew J.D. Drew could put tatoo in that spot!"

Tito looked away. "Get the flame thrower. We'll burn the dung-out...ah dugout!"

Big Papi said nothing but then gripped his fists together.

“Can't do it. Big Papi not like it Dustin Pedroia take his flame thrower.”

Tito looked at the green monster.

“David...”

“Yes...”

“Do you notice something?"

Big Papi gave a big smile.

"Big Papi see green monster on fire. That get rid of dog urine!"

Tito suddenly lost logic and said, "yes...get rid of dog urine!"

David looked and said, “Big Papi think stadium not long for this world. “

“Yes David...and I'm thinking fried dog! Let's go!"

David Ortiz looked back and said, "That is obvious.”