Julio walked into the room wearing the millions he was generating on his coat pockets. He was proud of his contributions to the team.
“Julio...why did you throw that ball so far off mark on first base?”
“Hey, “snapped Lugo. “When someone run that fast you no have time to think. You just throw and know that your first baseman is competent enough to make catch thrown five feet over his head into the stadium seats or into right field. ”
A long pause with some coughing and hair rubbing.
“Julio...why weren't you covering second base when Jason Varitek made the bad throw?”
“My job is shortstop...OK...shortstop and I can't do Dustin's job here. I'm here to protect the area BEFORE first base and AFTER third base. “
A long pause. Some are reaching their ipod.
“Julio, sometimes when a throw comes to you, you drop it?”
'That's right. When you're in an area where the ball is thrown at you, you don't have time to catch it and throw it so I already have in my head throw the ball and I can't think of that and catch it because if I do catch it I'm not throwing it. “
A very long pause. Two pencils drop and lots of eyes blinking.
“Ah...Julio...what do you think is the great contribution you are giving to this team.”
“Great defense, excellent offense and my ability to not worry about the tons of mistakes I make that that make me look like a piece of #$#$ every night...oh ya the new and improved Lugo doll. “
You could almost hear the crickets in the audience.
“Mr. Lugo...a...doll...do you really think that represents the positive aspects of your...'accomplishments'?”
“Oh ya, 'said Lugo. “This new doll...well...Lugo run video.”
“No, 'screamed everyone but it was already too late.
“The Lugo Doll...version 2”
“The Lugo doll made after one of the 'greatest' shortstops of the era.
“That's me, 'said the twelve inch doll that bore the smile of a dork with crossed eyes and a Red Sox uniform that was too big for the doll.
“The Lugo doll wets the bed, throws up, and don't forget the exciting nighttime glow that your kids can enjoy courtesy of a healthy dose of radium...parental supervision or total nutcases recommended.”
“But that not all!” said the Lugo doll.
“That's right Lugnut...ah...Lugo. You get the best selling Lugo video “how to Play ShortStop???” used by such greats as...well...ah...do I have to answer that?”
“Lugo show you how to play and make millions even if you play like me!” said the Lugo doll as its right eye popped out and cracked the camera lens. An oozing fluid dripped from the eye and burned a hole in the floor.
“But that's not all. If you act now you get an extra supply of battery acid to burn holes in your house. “
“It's family burning fun!” said the Lugo doll as it's head exploded smashing the camera and getting a harsh scream from the cameraman who shouted “#$#$ Lugo doll!!!!”
“So call now at 1 800-you-ahah. That's 1 800-you-ahah. Low IQ's recommended!”
Lugo shot off the video. He looked around the room. The jaws were hanging down from their skulls.
“Hello?”
Lugo waved and clapped his hands but the press just starred at him.
A long pause.
“AHHHHHHHHHHH”
The crowd paused and looked around.
“Oh...don't panic. Lugo playing tonight. That's just the team expressing how they feel bout Lugo!”
The crowd paused. They started to walk backwards towards the exit.
“Wait!!!”
It was Tito...Mr. Obvious. He pulled Lugo aside and talked for a moment. Lugo then walked off stage.
“I just wanted to say that Lugo will be getting some 'strength exercises...because...because...he needs to take lots of time to come back.”
The press just nodded.
“Good because that was the best thing I could come up with on short notice!”
The press clapped.
Francona said, “and that is obvious.”
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